A Breath Not My Own
by InkedClaws
Summary: Jane Shepard has always believed she was living on borrowed time after Mindoir. Even with the extra help life had afforded her, she knew at some point her luck was bound to run out. The Collector's attack on the Normandy finally proved that point. But the there are those who believed the Galaxy still needed her. So who is this woman claiming to be Commander Shepard?
1. Chapter 1

I remember...

I was on a routine assignment in Sector 33. A human colony had been ravaged by slavers, heavy casualties, countless dead and even more dying. I passed by the offending raider vessel on the way. They didn't notice me, it has been eons since such creatures could comprehend my kind, let alone see one of us.

As I descended I could see the fires and their miasmic clouds of fear and death that clung to a land litter with the dead, victim and villain alike. There were gouges in the ground, signs that those less fortunate would never again know peace. It is the wailing of the dead that calls me back to the task at hand.

When my bare feet finally met the blood soaked grass, the essence of the Planet greets me. She was subdued, the weight of the crimes committed here tainted whatever happiness she felt at my arrival. Her memories assaulted my conscious. The colony's was named Mindoir and it's population, just under two thousand, had been dedicated to agricultural research and reform.

The memories continued, the names and faces of the Planet's adopted inhabitants converged, swarmed and writhed. They clung to the carnage; twisting metal rounds, the screams of innocence lost, the taste the of blood shed on both sides, the scent of of burning flesh. I watched as colonist fought until the last of them were killed or captured, as children were ripped from their mother's experience would haunt the soil forever, as would the guilt and helplessness the Planet carried. I could only give the vaguest of condolences. Such violence was the way of these creatures and as a celestial body, the memory of this event would eventually fade.

The rattle of impending death called to me. I knelt next to the four eyed creature, its lower half lay in fragments across the field. Another glimpse of the Planet's memory told me it'd met with a weaponized seed planter. A sputtering cough left globs of its life blood at my feet.

I gently ran my hand over its chest-plate, admiring the primitive design. I then pushed past its armor,past the muscle and bone. I reached into the creature's core and touched its soul. It was dark, a roiling cist of hate, anger and an assumed superiority bordering on god-like hubris. I felt something close to disgust as I collected its essence. Memories clung to it like a miasma, countless other cruelties, savagery befitting of cornered animals, whispers of a family, the smiling face of its daughter. It is only after the body chills that I move on.

I picked my way through the bodies, searching for the center of death. I finally found it in the town square, where the raiders first touched down. There the wails of the dead were silent, waiting. I breathed in deep the essence of death and cleared my mind, slipping into a familiar trance. The Dirge of Freedom soon slipped from my lips. The bittersweet notes poured out across the land, cleansing it of sorrow. A hum in my sub-vocals began the Aria of Release. Its hope filled sound touched the bodies of the dead and dying, guiding their souls to me. The two songs signaled the beginning of the Death March and my feet were compelled forwards, so that all that must could hear the call. Bright and dim, the souls of the dead wrapped around me like a shroud, trailing behind as if a bridal veil. I called each by name and greeted them as long lost friends. They pulsed with emotions; anger, fear, hope, loss, but mostly confusion. I whispered my songs to each of them, soon they would understand.

One thousand, two hundred and sixty-two souls heeded my call. What was left of the colonists would either survive until aid arrived or they would see me again. I gathered the souls and readied myself to end the march but found I could not. The crescendo stalled and my feet would not still, for a single moment I thought the raiders might be returning, but even that would not explain the endlessness of my task. I wandered, unable to do more than contemplate the answer.

I had circled the same pile of rubble twice before I figured it out. A dying soul was resisting the March! It was unheard of and yet... There! A flash of green amongst the debris. Clearing the mess was a simple enough task. It was human. It coughed and wheezed, wincing in pain. The cloying stench of death seeped from its every pore and yet it resisted, even at this proximity to the March, it fought.

It groaned and shifted, opening it's eyes slowly. At first it was disoriented and unfocused, the fight with death was draining it. But suddenly it stiffened and looked up. Green eyes focused and held steady. Human eyes that could see me. Eyes that dared me to look away.

The Aria caught in my throat and the Dirge faltered on my lips. The world tunneled until all that existed were those eyes. It felt like waking up. Like the end of a coma, the haze of my station left me, and my surroundings became sharp and clear. Yet it all still paled in comparison to her gaze.

It was not the March that drew me closer.

As I crouched down before her; she was young for her species, not yet a woman, I felt more than saw her panic but I could not blame her, my own visage was as foreign as her attackers, perhaps more so to the eyes of a species so young. To her I was just another enemy. She held me with her glare. That gaze, those eyes.

I had seen human eyes innumerable times before and these were no different, dull and unremarkable, unable to see past their own morality. But even as death sucked the life from them, there was a hunger within her that made them burn. I knew a fire like that would devour me if I tried to ignore it. I thought of reaching forwards to manually collect her soul, but my sudden awakening would guaranty I'd be haunted by her green eyes for such actions until the Darkness took me. That alone impressed me.

So I offered my hand to her, a silent promise of life in my own gaze. Her shaking hand in mine was her answer.

Other humans arrived not long after, they found the girl huddled underneath remains of her home, clinging to her dog for warmth. When they finally coaxed her into the rescue transport, she'd held onto what they thought was simply air. In the ship's med bay she stared at one point in the room, even when they examined her and asked her questions. When the human with kind eyes and a strong aura called Anderson came to speak with her she shuffled back quickly, cuddling into a warmth they mistook for fear. When they left her in the care of the Alliance's emergency orphanage, promising that she wouldn't be alone for long, she leveled an unusually serene gaze at them, repeating again that she wasn't ever alone.

We've been together ever since.

 **Notes:**

I made one obscure video game reference somewhere in this chapter. If you can find it you get a cookie or a request or something. I didn't actually think this through.


	2. Chapter 2

Shepard sat behind her desk, staring at her reflection in her helmet. She wasn't entirely sure what she was searching for, but she was having trouble finding it. A gentle hand on her shoulder startled her. A glance at her bed told her who it was. Kaidan lay tangled in the sheets, clutching her pillow close to his heart, her lingering scent to chase away the dreams he couldn't fight.

"Hey Kyra." Shepard mutters by way of greeting.

"Jane? You seem troubled." Kyra said

Shepard looked over at the ghostly projection. She had to admit in a different perspective she was frightening. Horns, a serpentine tail, long claws, teeth like a mutated scifi beast and features just human enough to make you uneasy; it was like a monster from one of her mother's stories come to life. But its presence gave Jane a sense of serenity she couldn't find anywhere else. Not even, to her great shame, in Kaidan's arms.

It was a reminder that she was alive. Kyra, as she preferred to be called, had saved her on Mindoir all those years ago. By merging with her, Jane's life had been spared but Kyra was bound to her. There were side effects of-course. The biotics were a useful bonus, the red hair though? She looked back at her reflection and pulled at a wayward strands. She still wasn't used to it and often lamented the fact she'd yet to find a dye that could return it to its natural black.

Kyra quietly edged closer until she brushed against Shepard's shoulder, "Jane?"

Shepard shook her head and resumed her search. Warmth on her back and loving arms around her relaxed her frayed nerves.

Kyra carefully moved a lock of hair out of Jane's face, "You have grown, Jane." Her softly spoken words caressing her ear and snaking down her neck.

Disbelief colors Shepard's voice even as she runs her fingers along the collar of her armor, "Have I now?" She said.

"Exponentially. You defeated Saren, repelled the Geth, saved the council and thwarted the Reapers' plans for invasion. Jane you've bought your people and the rest of the galaxy precious time. One of those by themselves is worthy of praise, but all of them Jane? That is growth, My heart."

Jane snorted, pushing away from the desk and Kyra, reaching for her armor, "I called that bad luck and convenient save editing."

"Commander Jane Shepard!"

"Exactly Kyra! Look at me. I'm a barely decently solider. If it wasn't for you I'd be a number on a casualty report. I'm just Jane. Without you there is no Commander Shepard!" Her voice broke, wavering around a sob she'd viciously suppressed. She glanced over at Kaidan and shook her head.

"I didn't even kill Saren remember? He shot himself. I sacrificed the lives of countless soldiers for three people. Three! I'm still not sure they even deserved such a sacrifice."

"What about your crew, Jane? Can you deny that you've become a remarkable leader and an excellent example of a commanding officer? Look at me Jane and say it."

Shepard spun around quickly, rage setting those eyes a glow. After a moment a hollow haunted laugh burst from her. Glancing quickly at her bed to make such Kaidan was still sleeping she closed the space between herself and Kyra.

"My crew was shanghaied into my employ through political maneuvering. The ship belongs to Anderson. They follow me because I'm in charge. Rank and obedience, the Alliance way."

Shepard's shoulders trembled a moment before falling, she looked dejected and tired. A familiar feeling welled in Kyra's chest. She let out a frustrated growl and turned up her eyes in askance.

"You're their commander! They each love you in their own way. You've done amazing things and they respect that. You have shown kindness and compassion beyond what is necessary or Human. For the Goddess' sake Jane, you stole the Normandy! Against 'the Alliance way' they followed with one question. One! Which way Commander? They followed you into Ilos knowing that they might not come home."

Kyra cupped Jane's face gently and pulled her closer until their foreheads touched.

"If you say you're responsible for all these deaths and so much destruction. If you believe that only together we are Commander Shepard. Than the I am as guilty as you. More so since I am far older and wiser. Let me shoulder this burden with you My heart. Believe me when I say you've earned this Hatchling. To say otherwise is to disrespect everyone you care for and dishonor all the sacrifices made by those who care for you."

Shepard paused a moment, her eyes glassy with unshed tears but a smirk on her face, "Fine, I guess you win. For now."

Kyra chuckled and Jane laughed with her. It was the conspiratory laughter of old friends.

"You speak as if though any other outcome was possi-"

-Commander, there's something you should see.-

"I'll be there in a moment Joker." Shepard said.

-Yeah sure. Hey when you get here maybe you can explain to _XO_ Pressly one more time that I know how to pilot the Normandy-

They untangled themselves slowly, hesitant to lose the comfort afforded by the contact.

"Well duty calls. Are you ready Commander?" Shepard asked.

"Where ever you go Commander."

Shepard gave herself a once over, checking her armor, grabbing her helmet and donning her 'Commander' mask. She made her way over to Kaidan and kissed him awake. She lingered there with him, basking in his love. Eventually they parted ways, Shepard leaving to attend to her duties.

That moment never came.


End file.
